


Needs

by amandaskankovich



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-12
Updated: 2013-06-12
Packaged: 2017-12-14 19:12:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/840380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amandaskankovich/pseuds/amandaskankovich
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takes place a few weeks after “Want”</p><p>In a motel room alone with Ian Mickey makes plans.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Needs

Mickey wonders why they never just considered getting a motel room before. Sure the cleanliness of the room is basically nonexistent but they wouldn’t have been able to afford it if they’d wanted a place that did fancy ass gay shit like vacuuming and leaving mints on the fucking pillow. Sure the whole place reeked of booze and dried puke already when they walked in but so the fuck what? So did Mickey’s house.

It was nice to fuck with a mattress underneath them. They hadn’t done that in awhile. Every other time it was on a field or in the backroom at work. Against the wall of an abandoned building.

In Mickey’s living room.

Once.

At least the sheets were clean.

Well at least the sheets looked clean because Mickey had seen that dateline shit the same as everyone else with the blacklights? There could be invisible decades old jizz mixed in with his and Ian’s recent deposits.

“I think I saw a roach. They get into your clothes. If I bring them home Fiona will fucking kill me. I mean…she wouldn’t know it was me who did it obviously but…she doesn’t need that shit.”

There’s guilt in Ian’s voice. They aren’t going to talk about it but he knows Ian and Fiona’s relationship is still hurting from Ian running away.

Fiona’s always looking at Ian now like she’s failed him and it’s not her fault and he still can’t make her see that.

But Ian’s not going to bring that up right now.

He has Riley to talk about that shit even if he’d rather talk to Mickey.

But he can spend all day with Riley if he wants so there’s time for that. He has four hours with Mickey and he’s not going to waste any of it talking about how bad he feels for making his sister feel like more of a failure than she already did.

Mickey’s not ready to open his eyes yet. What he’s going to do instead is lie on his stomach with his eyes closed and listen to Ian talk and at the same time do this thing where he traces his finger down Mickey’s back.

They paid for four hours. They were now two hours in.

“You’re not asleep are you?” Ian asks.

Mickey manages a “Mmmm,” but that’s all. He’s not going to open his eyes yet.

Now Ian’s stopped tracing and he’s doing this thing where he’s leaning over and kissing the back of Mickey’s neck.

Mickey’s fingers dig into the sheets a bit because of that while Ian’s mouth moves to the middle of his shoulders and keeps going down and stopping at the small of his back.

Mickey was the one who told Ian not to end things with Riley even though he’d already been practicing the awkward conversation inside his head the second this had started up again that night 3 weeks ago.

“It’s not you. It’s me.”

But Mickey told him not to and it had taken a tense conversation to make Ian get why.

Here’s what Mickey knew now: He needed Ian to live with his life. He needed Ian for however long he was going to have him.

This is what he had learned those few short weeks of Ian in the army and then the rest of that time where he was back but they weren’t talking and when Ian was fucking more old men until he found a nice age appropriate one by chance. While Mickey got drunk every night and high most of the day and didn’t talk to his sister and didn’t fuck his wife but yeah he let a couple random guys fuck him every now and then but it didn’t help. Nothing helped. Svetlana’s belly just got bigger this ticking time bomb lying beside him every night.

Ian would be gone eventually. He’d find better because he deserved better.

But he’d stay longer if he had someone who could go to the fucking movies with him. Who would buy him Starbucks and let him bitch about his family shit for a half hour because he had the luxury of being able to be in public with him.

Ian didn’t think he needed that but Ian was dead fucking wrong.

He’d lose his mind again if this is all he had. Just being the guy that got fucked in secret places. Yeah he loved Mickey but it wasn’t good enough.

He needed normal too. He needed mundane.

Mickey couldn’t be that for him ever.

“But how is that fair to him?” Ian asked.

But Mickey didn’t care about fair to him if he was honest about it. It could be anyone he just needed someone to serve the purpose and it was more convenient if he was already in the picture.

If what’s-his-name disappeared though he’d have to push Ian to find another guy and could he do that? Tell him to go out and date?

Would Ian even want to? Or would he just lie to himself and say that this was enough? Even if he didn’t know he was lying when he said it because it felt like enough right that second.

Mickey didn’t want Ian to need this fucking guy.

He didn’t want this guy to exist.

Didn’t want to hear about him or know his name or think of Ian fucking him but that was the reality of their situation.

Mickey needed Ian to live with his life and he needed Riley so that Ian could live with his.

“Hey,” he hears Ian say, “Where are you?”

Mickey opens his eyes and he’s lying on his back now looking up at Ian, “I was just…”

But he doesn’t finish that sentence.

Instead he’s going to pull Ian’s head towards him and kiss him. They’re going to fuck one more time in the bed and then once in the shower with the shittiest water pressure ever.

Because what are they going to talk about? Not Ian’s boyfriend. Not here. Not when there’s only so much time left. They’re going to do what they have to and then Ian’s going to go home and wash his clothes (just in case) and have dinner with his family and see a movie with his boyfriend because he promised he would.

And when Mickey gets home the woman he married will be happy to see him because he’s easier to deal with when he’s not coming home drunk. She misses getting wasted herself and it’s hard to live in their house when you can’t. She says, “We drink together then when baby comes.”

She’s got all these baby clothes to show him. Hand me downs from her hooker friends who have so many kids between them.

It’s getting too real again and he’s starting to feel sick.

But he remembers the feeling of Ian’s finger tracing his back and that makes him able to touch them.


End file.
